You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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