Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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