I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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