O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
