1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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