So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
