Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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