dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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