last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
