If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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