and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
birth control should be required to get into college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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