high people should be assigned attendants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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