Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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