If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
