How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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