I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
