My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
