is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
