haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
