Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
