FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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