Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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