I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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