i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
