jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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