Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
