I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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