my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
