I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
