Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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