you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
