I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
