Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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