Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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