some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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