Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
