You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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