Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.

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  (313): so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it. http://tfl.nu/rth5
  Replies (1) Good night (2945) Bad night (638)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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  (847): The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious http://tfl.nu/2wct
  Replies (37) Good night (5094) Bad night (813)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I want my thong back.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I hate you tequila.

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  (763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong... (612): I want my thong back. (763): I hate you tequila. http://tfl.nu/u481
  Replies (16) Good night (5166) Bad night (925)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

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  (303): No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it. http://tfl.nu/eofg
  Replies (11) Good night (1368) Bad night (6321)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.

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  (817): My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso. http://tfl.nu/obr6
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (5672)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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  (631): Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick. http://tfl.nu/pj3f
  Replies (12) Good night (4048) Bad night (1107)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  SMART GIRL

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  (978): there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's (1-978): SMART GIRL http://tfl.nu/njon
  Replies (2) Good night (1856) Bad night (705)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?

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  (217): Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard? http://tfl.nu/j2bg
  Replies (16) Good night (856) Bad night (1300)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

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  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3590) Bad night (807)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

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  (773): What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again? http://tfl.nu/duvn
  Replies (7) Good night (2031) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.

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  (916): I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot. http://tfl.nu/9evn
  Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (503)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.

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  (515): As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/c7nn
  Replies (9) Good night (1084) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.

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  (613): Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee. http://tfl.nu/d96h
  Replies (2) Good night (974) Bad night (373)
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  (516): View more from New York

  On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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  (516): On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER. http://tfl.nu/qydu
  Replies (2) Good night (815) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.

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  (978): You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut. http://tfl.nu/pq6k
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (446)

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