Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
