I think about you every night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?