my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.