good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?