Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?