she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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