I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
