Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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