I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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