just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
