Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
