I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
