We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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