She is in my trunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
