Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
