yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
