I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
