id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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