trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
