I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
