i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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