what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
