Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
