if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
