you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
