Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
