Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My penis needs a shock collar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
