i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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