I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
