My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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