Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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