Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
