im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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