I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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