I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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