There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
