I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
