So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
