You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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