drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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